rezni: (Default)
re'b ravka ([personal profile] rezni) wrote2023-07-27 04:08 am

ic inbox.


Nikolai Lantsov, 24
DIABEL

CODE BY
sunmon: (Default)

such suffering

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 06:12 am (UTC)(link)
My body has changed in all sorts of ways since arriving here.
None of them fully in my control.
It might be nice to feel like one of them is.
sunmon: (pic#14873542)

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 06:17 am (UTC)(link)
[ the self awareness doesn't necessarily end at her desire for bodily autonomy. no, it's also a matter of having aleksander indelibly etched into her skin and wanting, instead, to feel that kind of closeness to nikolai — to choose it with him instead of letting herself get sucked into it with aleksander.

these are not things she'll say. if it didn't drive him away somehow, it would be admitting a vulnerability, giving him power over her that she wants to keep to herself. but that doesn't erase the wanting.

thus, hedging:
] I haven't put much thought towards it. I'm open to suggestions.
sunmon: (pic#16523421)

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 06:48 am (UTC)(link)
[ there's no denying the little thrill that prospect sends through her. looks down at her finger and considers if that might offer with it some reassurance of stability, dependability. a touchstone. ]

It's a lot easier to take back a ring.

[ it's stupid to point out that he might want to change his mind. she knows that. he hadn't changed his mind when she'd come out of the void disfigured by her own sins. still, she feels obligated to point this out. to remind him of where the door is. ]
sunmon: (Default)

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 06:54 am (UTC)(link)
[ that alone feels surreal. she wishes she could bottle his certainty and start her day with a sip of it. maybe then she'd be less of a mess. she rubs at her knuckle. ]

Won't it seem silly if it isn't part of a matching pair?
sunmon: (pic#16409531)

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 06:58 am (UTC)(link)
[ she catches her grin, but not before it starts to spread, and that's saying nothing for the warmth in her belly. ]

I thought you weren't planning to take him up on it yourself.
sunmon: (pic#16525530)

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 07:02 am (UTC)(link)
Oh, THAT would be foolish?

[ she's laughing. the disbelieving kind. ]

I like the idea.
Of people being able to see that you're mine.
But I don't know that I like the kind of danger it could put you in.
sunmon: (pic#16525058)

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 07:19 am (UTC)(link)
I like the idea.

[ for all that he's carried the disproportionate weight of effusive professions, she doesn't miss a beat on this reassurance. she won't have it coming across that she doesn't want it enough to affirm that again. ]

I'll talk to Eddie.
sunmon: (pic#14852110)

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 07:22 am (UTC)(link)
Afraid of losing your nerve?
sunmon: (Default)

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 07:27 am (UTC)(link)
I'm sure he'll get us in.
He owes me one.
sunmon: (pic#14982500)

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 07:36 am (UTC)(link)
It might be the secret third category, things you don't want to hear about.
sunmon: (pic#14981170)

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 07:43 am (UTC)(link)
[ maybe it's true that there isn't one. maybe she's the only jealous party here, who hears that he's felt something resembling desire for another and instantly feels threatened. maybe he isn't that insecure. ]

He bit me.
sunmon: (Default)

[personal profile] sunmon 2023-11-23 08:07 am (UTC)(link)
The creature he becomes feeds on blood.

(cw: idk man self kinkshaming ig)

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